Sliding Scale of Forgiveness

APRIL. How is that even possible??? This is 1/3 mark for 2019 – let that sink in for a second or two. Now that it’s April, we have a new word to share with you on our “What Does This Even Mean?” series: forgiveness.

I’m going to be honest, this is a tough one for me. I promised God, Cam, and myself when sharing things with Secured that I would be honest and vulnerable. However, when Cam and I sat down and divvied up who would get what word each month, my heart sank a little when I saw I got “forgiveness”.

Forgiveness shouldn’t be a hard thing. It’s such an empowering thing to have the ability to “forgive and forget” – until it isn’t.

In my 22 years of life, I have found there’s a ‘Sliding Scale of Forgiveness’ that ranges from one unhealthy extreme to another. At one end of the spectrum there’s the ‘Ultimate Forgiveness’. This is where you’re constantly “forgiving” those who treat you badly, yet you continue to let them do it because you’re afraid if you tell them how you really feel you’ll lose them forever. While at the other end of the spectrum there’s the ‘Unwillingness to Forgive’. This may sound self-explanatory, but it can look different for different people. For me, I may say the words “I forgive you”, but there are pieces that I refuse to let go of; and you best believe I am doing everything in my power to try and figure out why you did what you did and if I was a factor in the equation.

I wish I could say I am always right in the middle of the scale, sitting happily at the ‘Unconditional Forgiveness’ mark, but I am not. Undeniably, I truly believe my struggle with forgiveness is rooted in the very foundation of Secured – divorce. There. I said it.

Sometimes I truly think divorce is Satan’s favorite tool in his toolbox, because let me tell ya, it can do some major damage – both visible and invisible. I have found something that seems to automatically come along with divorce is the question of “why?”. Some may ask it differently than others: “What happened?” “Who left who?”, but they all want to know the same thing: WHY?

This is a question I have asked myself quite frequently when it comes to my parents’ divorce. Was it my dad? Was it my mom? Was it me? WHY, WHY, WHY? It’s my prayer that I can save someone who is reading this from asking themselves or others the same thing, because I can tell you why.

S – I – N. Sin.

Divorce, something that I used to think excluded me from people, is now something I realize includes me with all people. You see, sin has wreaked havoc in all of our lives, it just doesn’t all look the same.

“For all have sinned, and come short of the Glory of God;” Romans 3:23

What’s absolutely beautiful, though, is forgiveness of sins.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

Man, don't you love the word "all"?

Forgiveness first starts at salvation. I have already admitted to you that forgiveness is hard for me, but I can’t imagine how much harder it would be if I didn’t already have the forgiveness of God within me. Wanna talk about ‘Unconditional Forgiveness’; look no further than Jesus on the cross and the empty grave He left behind three days later.

Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s contagious. When I think about what Christ did for me on the cross and His forgiveness of all my sin, it’s hard to not let go of things that seem to fail in comparison. When I see my parents forgive each other for things that happened as a result of sin, I find myself forgiving them, too.

If you’re a parent with a child from divorce or a broken home, I beg you to show your child what forgiveness looks like. I know you were hurt. I know what he or she did may seem unforgiveable. But remember, “ALL have sinned, and come short of the Glory of God”, and forgiveness awaits all who ask for it.

Believe me, I get it. Forgiveness is a sliding scale, it’s hard, and some days are better than others. But we must remember, it is a never-ending well.

“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, 'I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.'” Matthew 18:21-22

I want to challenge you to be intentional on unconditional forgiveness this month. What’s something you’ve been holding on to, and unwilling to let go of? Together, let’s show how contagious forgiveness can be. Think back to what God has forgiven you of, and then let an epidemic of forgiveness break out.

~ Paige